Why I Became a Lawyer.
In 1992, I was asked why I wanted to become a lawyer. At the time, I was 39 and was a computer programmer. I had a good job working for a consulting firm developing software for military bases. But, I didn’t want to go back into the closet, nor pretend that my partner, Richard, was simply my roommate, so I let my employer know I was gay. Although most of the company's founders were okay with this, one was a very conservative Catholic, a member of several associated right-wing groups and hostile to homosexuals. An open and unashamed gay man working for him was anathema to him. So, one day I was fired, falsely told that I was a lousy programmer, despite having received glowing reviews for my work. Later, one of my fellow employees told me that “Larry said he didn’t want a fag working for his company.” Initially, I was devastated and began to question my technical skills and abilities.
I returned to Houston, where I quickly found work as a technical writer and software designer for several energy companies. I considered returning to school to begin working on an advanced computer science degree. I also looked into what, if any, legal protections were available to me. Unfortunately, as many of us have sadly learned, there were no federal laws protecting LGBT employees from discrimination, nor were there any protections in state law. My experience with blatent LGBT discrimination inspired me to change my graduate education plans and, in 1993, I began my law studies, with particular interest in civil rights.graduating with a JD in 1996.
As an openly gay law student, I and a couple of other gay law students started my school’s first LGBT law students group and quickly became a student advocate for gay rights. I graduated in 1996, passed the Texas Bar on my first try and began a solo legal practice with an emphasis on LGBT equality.
Since that time, I have never wavered from my commitment to protecting and advocating for LGBT rights, eventually returning with Richard to New Jersey (my home state) where I became active in the legislative efforts that led first to passage of a domestic partnership law, followed by a civil union law (2007) and, ultimately to the recognition of full marriage equality for same-sex couples in 2013.
I have never regretted my decision to become a lawyer nor my choice to specialize in LGBT related law. As a gay man, I remain committed to using my training and my skills as a lawyer to protect my community for, by doing so, I am also protecting myself and my husband, Richard.
Comments
Hi. My partner and me have a domestic partnership when we lived together in WA state, even before gay marriage was legal there. In short, he moved to another state and several years later, I followed. We now live together again. What is the validity of the original dom.partnership, is that still legal in the new state, even if same-sex marriage is legal here? We do not want to get married for financial/income tax reasons.
Thanks for the opportunity
Thanks for the question, @bert269! I’ll pass it on to Stephen.
Whether your domestic partnership is legal will depend upon which state you now live in. Only ten states have domestic partnership laws (Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, Colorado, Illinois, New Jersey, Maryland, Maine, and Hawaii). Of those ten, domestic partners have the same state rights and responsibilities as married spouses. In Maine and Maryland, however, domestic partners have only the rights and responsibilities enumerated in that state’s domestic partnership law. Without checking every state, I’ll venture to say that those states that have enacted domestic partnership laws will recognize a domestic partnership entered into in another state, if it was validly entered into elsewhere, even, in some cases, if the domestic partnership was registered pursuant to a local registry, such as in Key West.
However, twenty states have laws specifically prohibiting the recognition of ANY gay or straight union similar to marriage, including civil unions. So, for example, if you moved to Florida, your domestic partnership will not be recognized at all.
Also, federal law does not recognize any legal same-sex union other than marriage, so no federal benefits, such as inheriting your partner’s social security, no death benefits, etc.
And, you need to know if the state you now live in recognizes informal (common-law) marriage, because your domestic partnership may be recognized as such, granting you and your partner the same rights and obligations as a legal marriage. This is the case in nine states and the District of Columbia. The states that recognize common law marriage are Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Texas, New Hampshire, and Utah. However, these states require some form of proof that the common law marriage existed. The elements of proof required by these jurisdictions are enumerated in their common law marriage laws.
Without knowing more particulars about your situation, it is difficult to better advise you, but I hope my answer here provides you some guidance. I don’t know your reasons for not marrying but in my experience, there are more good reasons favoring legal marriage over simply living together. You mention taxes, for example, but you should consider that if one of you dies, even if you name your partner in a will, there may be significant tax issues for unmarried partners including taxes on transfers of property, federal gift taxes, and other taxes. If your partner is a veteran, unmarried partners cannot share tax exemptions and other benefits provided to veterans. Most states, I believe, allow the married spouse to take title of a deceased spouse’s motor vehicle.
Some other things to consider. If either of you have children or living parents, they will almost always have rights superior to yours when it comes to guardianship, hospital visitation, making medical decisions if you are unable to do so, among other things, even if you have prepared a living will, and other documents.
As you can probably tell, I am very much in favor of marriage for many couples. My final advice to you is that you should meet with an attorney, most likely an estate planning attorney, in the state where you now live. I would advise you to check with that state’s bar association to get a referral to an LGBT-friendly attorney. Many state bar associations now have an LGBT section. I hope this answer is helpful to you.
Oh, and one more thing. There is NO SUCH THING as GAY marriage – it’s just marriage.
Stephen, you are right and straigtforward. My 28 year relationship dissolved two years ago. It was in shock. I’m now 65. We couldn’t get married until 5 years ago, and then it was why get married? We didn’t need a piece of paper to stay together the first 22. It would have made me/us liable for his medical bills since his breakdown. I would have lost everything, now the medicare and retirement he paid for is covered by what he earned. I dearly miss the man and wish him the best. I could not have coped with what he’s going through and I’m glad his family has his power of attorney. I spent 17 years taking care of my parents. I can not give anymore. A fall 16 months ago left be with a crushed shoulder and a bum knee. I need someone to help me; I’m half the man I used to be. I would not enter another relationship unable to be a full partner. Gay marriage sounds nice but it a government scheme to offload shared obligations to you. Be a couple because you want to be, not because you can. Your advice is sound and should be acknowledged. I’d also suggest not buying a property together, the owner paying the taxes and utilities. There are plenty of other expenses to share. One caveat, in many states, living together three years with shared ownership and expenses, and especially having children; allows the states to legally consider you married. That is why keeping finances separate is a good idea. It is not careless or unkind; it is just good financial planning. There are other/better ways to express your love for one another. You can not just expect things to remain the same, forever. Steven.
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