Site News

I've been updating our Patreon members on what's been happening with me, and thought I should post a quick note to bring everyone up to speed.

After my partner died in February, I moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. It was sudden, but there was nothing keeping me in Maryland, and I took advantage when a furnished apartment became available the first of March. I lived there for two months, and bought a house last Wednesday.

It's an odd place, with character bordering on — and sometimes tipping into — eccentricity. It needs a great deal of planning and work, and will be a fun project and, in the end, a welcoming get-a-way for friends visiting FL. Most importantly, the cat's happy to have his own yard again.

All of which is to say I've been offline more than usual. Settling Al's affairs, moving, setting up house, looking at and bidding on houses, moving again, tearing down a wall… Life's been further up in the...

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OlderGay.Men member Loren Olson will be traveling over the next two months to promote his new book No More Neckties, a memoir of growing up gay in the 1950s and 60s, coming out late in life, moving to the country, and starting a farm with his partner.

If you'd like to come out and support him, you can see if he's coming to your area in the travel plans on his profile and read more about his work on his website.

Lucas Prieto, a doctoral candidate at Michigan State University in the School of Social Work, is seeking gay men 50 years and older in the American Midwest to take part in a survey regarding sexual satisfaction, aging, and health. The study consists of a brief online confidential survey that takes 15 to 20 minutes to complete. Topics range from ageism within the gay community to sexual satisfaction, erectile function, and general health questions. If you would like to participate or know anyone who may be interested, you can learn more at:

https://lucasreyesprieto.wixsite.com/survey/

And read an interview with Lucas here:

https://pridesource.com/article/gay-sex-after-50-msu-researcher-on-a-mission-to-normalize-promote-sex-at-all-ages/

My partner Al died Tuesday morning. He went through two more hospitalizations since this all started in October, and the second was a particularly rough stay. Because of COVID restrictions, he had to sit alone in a room for twelve days. That's disorienting for anyone, but at 84, it really knocked him for a loop.

He came home a week ago today. We had a hospital bed and oxygen ready for him, and after sleeping most of a day, he came around and was more like himself. But he still couldn't catch his breath. I learned to grab bits of sleep when I could, since he got me up several times a night. The last night, he couldn't stay in the bed anymore and couldn't even lie back in the recliner. I took the bed next to him, and he sat up, trying to find a position that worked. Around 6:30 in the morning, his breathing took on a gargling sound, and then he stopped responding to me. I called his adopted son next...

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OlderGay.Men turns 26 today. We've had a good year and welcomed many new friends. I've been less active here since the fall. My partner's on his third hospitalization since October. He went back with congestive heart failure in December and came home but never really recovered. It became enough of a struggle that he wanted to go in again. He's been in eleven days, and we hope he'll transfer to a rehab center tomorrow. As many of you have experienced, the worst of it now is that he has to be alone due to COVID restrictions. I'm down to hoping I'll have a moment with him if I camp out at the ambulance door until he's wheeled out for the transfer.

When he was home, there was a long list of chores to be done each day, and he had me up several times each night when he couldn't catch his breath. I worry that's going to be part of life now. He doesn't sound better...

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Ken Felts, who came out at age 90 and found love again shortly after, has published his memoirs. Here's a couple of links:

https://store.bookbaby.com/bookshop/book/index.aspx?bookURL=My-Handful-of-Stars

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59928433-my-handful-of-stars

A great reminder for the new year that it's never too late to be yourself.

Happy New Year! I hope you've had safe-but-joyous holidays with loved ones near(but not too near), and that 2022 has better days in store.

I sat down today to look back on what we did last year, and was happy with a lot of what I saw. Some highlights:

• One of our members who's a lawyer offered to weigh in on the problems older gay men face.
• We were hit with our first round of spam accounts. And our second. Thanks to everyone who's taken advantage of spam reporting to help us shut down problems as quickly as we can. We're working behind the scenes to flag more junk messages and head them off before they reach you.
• We added second homes and travel plans. If you divide your time between two locations, you can add them both and...

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My partner hasn't needed the wheelchair for three or four days. He's getting up and going about his business (watching golf, listening to pulp audiobooks) and has needed less constant attention.

So, today, I had time to look into the latest spam problems. I've had my eye on it, and I'm sorry for any of you who have been subjected to the nonsense. It's the same group of spammers, but they moved on from using one-use-only email domains to using ones @gmail.com. I couldn't outlaw all Gmail addresses, so I bided my time until I could deal with it. When I got to it today, I had to delete 650 spam accounts and the messages they'd sent. I placed blocks that should lock out this particular bunch of annoyers, so things should calm down, and I've set tasks for myself to add more general spam blocking, so I hope this will be our last round of widespread spam attacks.

Thanks for your patience with this untimely incursion. As far as I can tell, I'm...

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My partner came home Tuesday after two weeks in the hospital and eleven days at a rehabilitation center. He was still terribly weak and needed constant attention, so I’ve barely been online this week.

Naturally, my absence coincided with the latest onslaught of spammers on the site. Someone is using single-use email services to create accounts and send messages to other members. I blocked access from one service, and after a day, they started using another. And, today, a half dozen more. I plugged those holes also, but it may be a few days before I can do more than whack each mole as it pops out. Al still needs help, and, tomorrow, we’re starting our rounds of doctors’ offices following his discharge.

I’m sorry for the inconvenience. I know it makes being a member of the site less enjoyable when you get this nonsense in your inbox. (If you’re not sure what I mean, if you get a message from someone one minute after he joins the site...

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My other half’s been in the hospital with pneumonia for two weeks. That’s not quite accurate, since, thankfully, they eased COVID restrictions and I’ve spent part of each day with him. So, at a rough estimate, 41% of me has been gone. I’ve taken an iPad with me a couple of times, thinking I might do something while he's sleeping, but holding his hand and rubbing his thumb has been a full and satisfying vocation, and I haven't gotten around to more.

Each day of the last week has been a broken promise. First, we heard he'd go to rehab. I was all for this, seeing how weak he'd become, but then we heard that the rehab center only does acute care, and he's only cleared for sub-acute care. So they planned to send him to another center which, based on online reviews and conversations with many friends, has a reputation as a death trap that leaves people far worse than when they come in. And it was the only option his insurance would pay for. So he...

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